My Friend Anxiety

Oh my friend anxiety
Loyalty to the enigmatic core
Putting so much into this relationship
Always being there, Doing everything
And doing even more

Through the pain, The fear, The sadness, The madness
You have been the gun lodged inside my mouth
You have been razor pressed upon my wrist
The strangulation that has hindered my breathing
The dead end that kept me from ever achieving
The ambitions that bled into sorrow’s gloating abasement

So much you have done
In this very life I live
Helped me miss many opportunities
Motivated me to shy away in my shadowed existence

Anxiety, The thoughts you put in this head
All of the doubt, All of the negative notions, All the hopelessness
How you Helped me give up any hope
As I gave my best, As you gave your worst

Oh the security of doubt
How safe you made me feel
Hidden from this very world
Muting the sounds I wanted to let out
Oh, How I thank you
With my burning heart of mistrust

I always loved
How you made me look in the mirror
In the utter disgust of what I was seeing
As if my face was scarred with your own disapproval
The reflection of what you could never accept
Always being blunt, Telling me how ugly I was
Thank you, Your charm always went such a long way
Confusion is such a beautiful thing

Oh, Anxiety
I always loved the way you made me complain
As you were always messing with my head
Making me care about such small trivial things
Oh, How dearly I am in your debt
How could I ever repay you?

Even inspired me to be over medicated
Making me once lazy and always tired
But I gave up on that
Yet, You still laughed
Because you knew you always had me at zero

Thank you for the walls
Thank you for helping me fear for my future
Giving such cold words
To an already frozen state of being

Anxiety, Someday you will go away for good
As you are no longer welcome here
Our relationship seemed always one sided
Quit stalking me, It’s time to move on

I never even wanted you
Just that you were always good at brainwashing
Controlling these thoughts that made me feel like a burden to the world

I have had enough of you
If you cannot leave me atleast treat me better
Or I will have to….. Kill you for good
I will still be alive in the hopes I go beyond
The memories of the things I let you do to me
To you I was so submissive, So submissive
And you always knew that was something
I was so dearly against

Anxiety, I would like to never see you again
Stay buried in the grave you tried sending down into
Goodbye friend, Enemy, Please go away for good

For you friend meant,
Fear regret indifference emptiness nothingness detachment

Anxiety, I can no longer live like that
Your existence was sickening
Taking me down into voids
I never want to see again

Go away anxiety, It’s time for me to live life like never before
Live it beyond even my own expectations

Yet, I know there is a giant foundation yet to be built
And I must build it with all my might
Giving everything I could ever give
Believing in every positive belief
Giving these dreams the heights
They have never flown before

But I shall make a promise to myself, A vow
That this very foundation will be built
And this anxiety will fade away
As it will never spread to anyone
Misery was the true existence
Of this anxiety, This metaphoric creature
That festered inside my very soul

Living life
I must live it as a whole



Written By,
James Darwin Smith II
8/9/11